Monday, July 18, 2011

Still Womanless After All These Years.

 Well, I was feeling a little frisky one day so I set out to find me a little woman, or a big woman, or any woman for that matter. Hey, I know I can't be choosy.  I would be doing well just to find a woman with a pulse.
 I looked far and wide. I looked high and I looked low. For some reason, I was unable to find ANYONE no matter where I went. I wasn't looking for love. I wasn't looking for romance. I wasn't even looking for anything you might imagine. All I wanted was some company.
 I grinned this way. I grinned that way. But no matter how much I grinned or in what direction, It was all a waste of energy that day.
 I showed off my good side. I showed off my bad. I gave it all I had.....
 For some reason on this particular day, I was unable to get some play. Monopoly, Checkers, Etc. You get the point.....
 I thought if I monkeyed around, some cute little something might join in the fun. I was looking for somebody to teach me how to climb so I could teach her how to dangle. (Sorry, copyright infringement, but you know that is a good line). Lol
 I was about to give up when I thought about what I could use to lure a female close enough to even pretend she was with me. I found a hot dog joint nearby and just knew how much women LOVE to eat. I was getting excited until I noticed the OPEN sign wasn't lit. Oh, the guy stumbling down the street clearly was, but like the clown used to say, "Homey don't play that."
 I couldn't get a girl. I couldn't get any food. I tried for a drink, but that was't happening either. I was about to give up when I remembered what women love more than food. I was so hoping to share a Coke and a smile, but that wouldn't happen this day. I had to roll up my sleeves, well, tighten my belt, and buy what NO woman has the ability to turn down.............
 I found a nice little ice cream truck, scared the poor guy driving half to death and offered to buy his ENTIRE truckload if only he would help me find a woman. I'm not sure if he understood why I was looking or what I was looking for, but he shook his head, sold me some premium soft serve and dropped me off at a place SOME of you may be familiar with......
I never did find a woman, but after all that searching I was pretty tired and since I was moody and having hot flashes, I decided to go ahead, get a room, and have me a pity party. You know, that manager guy tried to charge me by the hour. Then again, I'm sure SOME of you already knew that's how they charged..... LOL.

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